Hold Me
by D-Exphagus
Summary: Sort of AU Brittana story with a guaranteed happy ending. Just an angsty piece to complement all the good fluff out there. Tells the story of how one of the most major fights that Santana and Brittany have as a couple leads to a more promising future for the both of them. Based on the song 'Hold Me' by Savage Garden.


**Hold Me**

Santana closed her eyes and laid back down on the couch, her fingers reaching out and pressing play on her laptop.

Music blared out of the headphones she had on and she closed her eyes but not before looking at the clock on the wall. 1135 pm. She sighed. Brittany had been gone for over an hour.

Santana settled down deeper into the couch and immersed herself into the music. At times like these, when words wouldn't come out right, when emotions were too high strung and when love just didn't seem enough, she liked to wallow in music from her childhood. Brittany used to call it her 'emo' music. Brittany should know, she'd come back each time to find Santana asleep with the music still playing in her headphones.

The first song faded and her player went on shuffle and a familiar intro perked her ears and she felt her eyes prick with unshed tears. It wouldn't have been the first teardrop to fall that night. Santana sighed. It probably wouldn't be the last either.

Angrily, she wiped it off and shut her eyes tighter, willing herself to not start crying. Crossing her arms for comfort, she thought back about what led to this predicament.

 _Hey, if we can't find a way out of these problems, then maybe we don't need this._

 _Standing face to face, enemies at war, we build defences and secret hiding places._

It was stupid really. As with all fights, it wasn't expected, especially not after a night that they had. They had walked back from the theatre after dinner and movie on a Friday night. Santana remembered giggling at how in love she felt when Brittany took her hand and twirled her around on the streets during the walk back.

She remembered how heavy the box felt in her purse when she remembered what she had wanted to do that night. She remembered her heart thud thudding when she thought about how important Brittany was to her. She remembered looking into Brittany's bright blue eyes and falling deeper in love. She remembered being nervous with the thought of what she wanted to do when they got home.

But then, she also remembered coming back home and finding out that the puppy dog that they had, had chewed up her favourite pair of shoes, ruined the toilet paper in the bathroom and had left muddy paw prints all over the carpet.

She would've easily overlooked the ruined shoes and toilet paper but finding out the entire house had flooded because Brittany had left the tap on for what seemed like the thousandth time – that was just a little too much for Santana to bear at the moment. To be honest, it was just a little too much for Santana to bear, at any given time.

So they had argued. And kept on arguing. Santana had a temper, she was well aware of that. But it wasn't as if the anger wasn't justified. Sure, she could have always handled it another way, but it didn't seem like Brittany was even trying to not piss her off.

But Brittany – Brittany would just keep quiet and not even partake in the argument, even if she was at fault. And Santana did think that Brittany was at fault. That of course fuelled Santana's fire even more.

 _Hey, more than angry words, I hate this silence. It's getting so loud._

 _Well, I wanna scream, but bitterness has silenced these emotions, it's getting hard to breathe._

"How are we supposed to ever discuss anything if you won't even talk to me, Britt?" Santana had accused angrily, firmly locking the door to the dog pen that Brittany had left wide open. "How can I trust you with everything else if you can't even ..." She looked at the mess that was left behind and trailed off. "I just ... I just can't, Britt." She shook her head sadly, the anger slowly seeping out of her.

Brittany had taken a deep breath and sat down, watching as Santana picked up the bits of toilet paper. "I ..." she started but kept quiet, her face showing signs of guilt. "I'm sorry." She finally whispered.

Santana looked up from the carpet and stomped off angrily to take the mop from the semi flooded closet. "Fuck!" She cursed. She looked out to see Brittany still seated on the couch. "Are you just gonna sit there?" She shook her head angrily at Brittany. "I don't get it. How is it so hard to remember to shut off the fucking water when you're done? I mean, you've told me to help make you remember, to put up little reminders for you, but seriously?" She stormed off to the toilet and ripped off the now wet piece of paper that reminded Brittany to switch off the water each time she used the toilet and went straight to Brittany who was still seated on the couch. "What the fuck is this for then?" She threw the crumpled paper at Brittany's leg.

She stormed over to the toilet where she wrung out the mop. "What are you even sorry for, Brittany? Are you even really sorry?" She hastily mopped the floor and wiped her eyes, angry tears leaking out. "This isn't the first time, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last!" She kicked the wet pillow away from where she was standing. "Fuck it, Britt! Grow up!" She screamed at the blond.

Brittany just lifted her head and glared at Santana, her eyes brimming with tears. "Look, I said I was sorry! What else do you want?" She angrily wiped them off. "I'm trying, ok?" She retorted. "And stop screaming at me!" She picked up the pillow that Santana had kicked and threw the cover into the washing machine.

"Great, just great. When you finally choose to say something ..." Santana muttered under her breath and glared angrily at Brittany who was cleaning up the toilet. She knew she was hurting Brittany with her words, but in a way that was impossible for Brittany to remember to be responsible, it was also impossible for Santana to rein in her irritation at Brittany. All this was fair play, but at the same time, it was unfair what was happening.

As she brushed passed Brittany in the toilet, she felt the bulge in her pocket press against the open door and Santana felt a sharp pang in her heart.

 _So tell me isn't happiness, worth more than a golden diamond ring?_

 _I'm willing to do anything, to calm the storm in my heart._

"Move it." She shuffled past Brittany to wring out the water from the mop into the bucket she had. Brittany put her hand on Santana's arm and the fighting couple exchange a look in the bathroom.

Santana felt her heart ache when she looked into Brittany's red rimmed eyes. She remembered the love she felt for the woman, a love that has been growing steadily for more than 10 years. A love that, even with the daily domestic grievances that plagues them, still manages to last.

"Santana, I love you." Brittany started, her hand gripping Santana's arm painfully. Santana searched her blue eyes and saw the pain in there. She hated it when she caused Brittany pain. She closed her eyes and felt the burn in her throat when she felt tears start to gather. She also hated it when Brittany caused her pain.

Santana shook her head. But the pain that she felt inside at Brittany's actions – or inactions, was real as well. "I love you too, Britt." She bit her lip and looked at Brittany's face.

Blue eyes fell as Brittany gently wiped away Santana's falling tears as she shook her head away from Brittany's gentle touch. "But there's a but, isn't there?" Brittany let her hand drop from Santana's face and brushed past the brunette into the living room.

 _I've never been the praying kind, but lately I've been down upon my knees._

 _Not looking for a miracle, just a reason to believe._

Santana's eyes followed Brittany as she wordlessly picked up her coat from where she threw it on the couch that was right next to Santana's coat on the coat rack and shook her head. "You're not gonna change, are you?" Santana stared at the blond's retreating back, as Brittany opened the door.

Haunted blue eyes looked back at her and Santana felt another pang in her heart. "I'm not sure if we can, San."

And with that, she was gone, leaving Santana alone in the apartment with her thoughts.

 _I might need you to hold me tonight,_

 _I might need you to say it's all right,_

 _I might need you to make the first stand,_

 _Coz tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man._

Santana angrily took off her headphones and let the music play out in the living room. She fingered the bracelet on her left hand, her fingers gently touching the engravings there and waited for her thoughts to calm down.

* * *

After she left the apartment, Brittany had first walked to the nearest convenience store that was opened and purchased a notebook with a pen and then had walked to the park nearest to their house and had sat at the benches, lost in her own thoughts. She had found out that it was easier to sort out her thoughts when she had a medium to write it down.

Out of habit and Santana's usual nagging, she had looked around first to check her surroundings to see if there was anything that could be harmful to her before choosing the spot that she sat down. When she saw that there was no shadows lurking in the darkness of the trail except for a few other couples necking on the bench furthest from her, Brittany sat down.

Brittany sighed. She knew that Santana had only wanted the best for her – for them, by always being on the lookout for her. Santana was always the more cautious one and she always made sure to take care of Brittany. Brittany shook her head. She couldn't herself fathom why she always felt like she was disappointing Santana. Brittany pouted in the dark. She didn't understand why it felt like she was disappointing herself.

She wrapped her scarf around her neck tighter and played with the locket around her neck. It was a gift from Santana for their 5th anniversary, given to her with a promise that another jewellery would adorn her finger when the time was right. In turn, Santana had a matching bracelet that had their names engraved with a heart.

Brittany opened the notebook and uncapped the pen. Looking at the blank page, she started writing down her thoughts. One on hand, she knew that the cause of the breakdown today was due to the fact that she had been forgetful. However, she also knew enough that Santana knew that Brittany disliked it when they argued and that Santana could get mean when they argued.

Brittany shook her head. She really didn't know a solution to this where she could not even identify the problem. She had left because she didn't want to hear the words Santana had to say – even if they were truthful and wasn't meant to hurt her (but it still did), it just wouldn't have solved anything. She had left because she didn't want to lash out at Santana and said something she would've regretted and then where would that have left them?

No, Brittany wanted to clear her mind and settle her thoughts before she came back to talk to Santana. And Santana would want to talk it out. She always did. But Brittany wanted to be prepared and not just to talk with their emotions and hearts on their sleeves. She wanted to be calm and rational. She wanted a solution to the problem. She wanted them to work out.

On her notebook, she wrote drew a line down the middle of the empty page and wrote 'Problem' on one side and 'Solution' on the other. Down each column, she wrote their names side by side and drew another line separating them.

Under her own problem column, Brittany hovered her pen on top of the page and bit her lip. Taking a plunge, she hastily scribbled down the word 'forgetful' under her name. She thought about what else to write next when she heard Santana's voice in her head, accusing her of being irresponsible. Brittany sighed. She suppose that if she was forgetful, that would cause her being irresponsible for certain things. She drew an arrow linking the two problems.

Brittany stared at the row under Santana's name. She scribbled down 'temper' underneath Santana's name and under it she wrote down 'mean/unforgiving'. She felt a tear escape her eye as she thought about their argument before this. While Santana could be the sweetest person in the world to her, when she got angry, Santana would lash out and Brittany usually got the brunt of it.

Brittany leaned back against the seat and hugged the notebook to her chest, bringing her knees up on the bench. She looked at the couple walking past and wished that she was here with Santana on better terms.

Lately, work had been hectic for the both of them, what with them being at the peak of their careers. At the beginning when both of them were starting out, they were both so busy that they hardly had time for each other. Brittany was touring as Mercedes' back up dancer and choreographer. Santana had started out with them being the back up singer and helping Mercedes write songs, but opted out after the first year in favour of going back to school to get her degree in music.

She still continued writing songs for and with Mercedes, complete with performing on stage with Mercedes when they toured near New York where Santana attended school. The times when Santana would fly out to meet them when they were touring was one of the best experiences with Santana that Brittany had ever had. They were young, they were in love and they had a promising start to their careers and lives.

But after that was done, Brittany had gotten a job in New York, teaching dance to youngsters in the local dance studio while Santana had completed her degree and was in the midst of finishing up her own solo album while being credited as a songwriter for a lot of upcoming artistes. They were both carving a name for themselves in their respective career paths and lived relatively comfortably for a couple in their early 20s living in New York.

When Brittany had gotten back, they had bought an apartment together, wanting to start their lives together after the small separation they had endured for their careers and things had been going fine for a few years until recently it seemed as though they started arguing more and more over what Brittany thought were really absurd things.

There were arguments about finances. There were arguments about missing dates. There were arguments about household chores. There were arguments even on what and where to eat sometimes.

Brittany sighed again. She loved Santana. A lot. And there was no doubt about how Santana felt about her. But these things just added up and they needed to find a solution to their problems and find it fast before their relationship deteriorated any further.

Brittany stared at the empty page dedicated to the solutions of their problems. It was always easier to find out what the problem was rather than how to solve it. If only they knew the solutions to their problems, then they would not have been in this mess.

Looking at their picture in the locket, the only conclusion that Brittany came to was that they really should work it out together. So under the solutions column, Brittany cancelled the line between their names and wrote down a plus sign. The solution of their problems lie within themselves.

Satisfied, Brittany got up and walked around the park, clearing her thoughts and preparing for the inevitable encounter with Santana later on. She needed to know the right words to say that would not provoke Santana. What they needed was better communication and not them just lashing out at each other.

With her mind made up, Brittany walked out of the park towards the direction of their apartment. She hugged herself tighter as a chill ran down her spine as she approached the building. Taking a deep breath, she walked calmly up to their floor before stopping at their door.

Brittany turned the lock and entered the living room. She took a deep breath and shivered a little at the breeze that she let in as she was entering their shared apartment.

She winced a little at the music playing softly from Santana's laptop that she can see illuminated in the dark. It was Santana's emo music. Brittany sighed. It was close to 1 am and she had been gone for about 2 hours. She thought back to the past 2 hours and felt a resolve settle on her chest.

She stared at the light from the living room and realised that it wasn't just the light from the laptop that illuminated the darkened room. There was a lone candle lit on the coffee table, casting a yellow glow to Santana's face. Brittany's eyes met Santana's. Her lover had red rimmed eyes that was obvious to Brittany's own cried out blue eyes. But Santana was still oh so beautiful.

Brittany's heart clenched at the thought and wordlessly, she made her way to Santana who sat unmoving at the couch, her eyes just tracking Brittany. She settled herself a distance away from Santana on the couch.

 _Do you remember not long ago, we used to live for the night time, cherish each moment._

 _Now we don't live, we exist, we just run through our lives. So alone._

 _That's why you gotta hold me._

Santana's fingers moved to the laptop and shut off her music. Her eyes met Brittany's and she gave Brittany a small smile, her left hand stretched out. "Hi."

Brittany's own lips curved into a smile and she reached over slightly and met her fingertips with Santana's own out stretched ones. "Hey."

* * *

 **Author's Note :**

So maybe I shouldn't start a new fic, but this just came at me one day when I was in my more angsty moods. Since I can't find my fill of new angsty fics, I figured I should just write one. Any thoughts?

All mistakes are mine, even theirs as a couple.


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